YouTube Celebrity Satire

I had a visitor from Outer Space this past weekend who wanted to watch some YouTube with me. As he/him/she/they didn’t know the cast of characters with whom we earthlings are quite familiar, I jotted down some helpful notes for him/her/shey.

YouTube Celebrities

Roger Penrose

AI could never be sentient.  AI could never part its hair so far to one side.

Bill Maher

I’m the Jersey version of Donald Trump—but for Liberals.  They pay me to abuse them.   

Jordan Peterson

Nietzsche was wrong—God does exist.  I pulled Him out of my ass. 

Taylor Sheridan

Republicans should replace God with Nietzsche, or better yet, Hobbes.  Life is nasty, brutish, and will buck you off.

Sam Harris

Free will is an illusion.  Which is why you should choose to listen to my podcast.

Daniel Dennet

Consciousness is an illusion.  Trust me, or this illusion that is me.

Noam Chomsky

What AI? I’m like a large language model that has sex.

Vivek Ramaswamy

Why are we talking large language models? The family is the greatest authoritarian body in history.

Donald Trump

I’m tired of winning. I have the most indictments.

Stephen Colbert

I hope Trump wins. Biden’s been president for 2 1/2 years, and I’m still not used to thinking again.

Joe Biden

As my dad used to say back in Scranton at the kitchen table . . .Barack who?

John Oliver

Give me 20 hours and you won’t be saying “God save the King” anymore. Consider me the Socrates of TikTok.

King Charles

Those were some extremely decent organic carrots.  I might have even, um, picked them myself, hm hmm, excuse me.

Ron DeSantis

I’m scared, Elon. Florida, will you come with me?

Bobby Kennedy, Jr.

I didn’t say those things that I said.

Vladimir Putin

I’ve never told this to anyone, not even in Russian.  Kim Jong Un and I go out in drag. Not very often, and it’s not sexual. I consider him my brother Karamazov.

Mitt Romney

That weird underwear. . . At least we Mormons have something to put in it.

Melania Trump

I’ve never told this to anyone. Vladimir Putin and I go out in drag.

Yuja Wang

Look at my dress.  I can play the piano.

Elon Musk

Remember me?  

Elon Musk

Remember me!

Elon Musk

I’ll just buy your memory.

Rishi Sunak

“I care.”

All British Politicians except Boris Johnson

“I care.”

All Politicians

“I care."

Stephen Fry

Let’s all get along and read Greek myths and stop being so confrontational.  Taking political prisoners is so Thatcher 80s.  Been there, got the dress. I’m Stephen Fry.  I get more lines than anyone else.  So there.  As I was saying,  God save the King!

Jill Biden

Don’t look at me.  I’m a teacher.

Pope Frances

It’s time we Catholics were nice to the gays.  We need to celebrate what we have in common.

Laura Ingraham 

Look at me, mama.  I can talk.

Tucker Carlson

No.  I don’t smell anything, do you?

Maggie Haberman

Trump isn’t god.  I think.

Krysten Sinema

I don’t fit in either party.  Because my dresses don’t fit in either party.

Kevin McCarthy

I have the perfect dress for the Republican Party. Don’t you agree, Matt, darling?