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YouTube Celebrity Satire
I had a visitor from Outer Space this past weekend who wanted to watch some YouTube with me. As he/him/she/they didn’t know the cast of characters with whom we earthlings are quite familiar, I jotted down some helpful notes for him/her/shey.
AI could never be sentient. AI could never part its hair so far to one side.
I’m the Jersey version of Donald Trump—but for Liberals. They pay me to abuse them.
Nietzsche was wrong—God does exist. I pulled Him out of my ass.
Republicans should replace God with Nietzsche, or better yet, Hobbes. Life is nasty, brutish, and will buck you off.
Free will is an illusion. Which is why you should choose to listen to my podcast.
Consciousness is an illusion. Trust me, or this illusion that is me.
What AI? I’m like a large language model that has sex.
Why are we talking large language models? The family is the greatest authoritarian body in history.
I’m tired of winning. I have the most indictments.
I hope Trump wins. Biden’s been president for 2 1/2 years, and I’m still not used to thinking again.
As my dad used to say back in Scranton at the kitchen table . . .Barack who?
Give me 20 hours and you won’t be saying “God save the King” anymore. Consider me the Socrates of TikTok.
Those were some extremely decent organic carrots. I might have even, um, picked them myself, hm hmm, excuse me.
I’m scared, Elon. Florida, will you come with me?
Bobby Kennedy, Jr.
I didn’t say those things that I said.
I’ve never told this to anyone, not even in Russian. Kim Jong Un and I go out in drag. Not very often, and it’s not sexual. I consider him my brother Karamazov.
That weird underwear. . . At least we Mormons have something to put in it.
I’ve never told this to anyone. Vladimir Putin and I go out in drag.
Look at my dress. I can play the piano.
I’ll just buy your memory.
All British Politicians except Boris Johnson
Let’s all get along and read Greek myths and stop being so confrontational. Taking political prisoners is so Thatcher 80s. Been there, got the dress. I’m Stephen Fry. I get more lines than anyone else. So there. As I was saying, God save the King!
Don’t look at me. I’m a teacher.
It’s time we Catholics were nice to the gays. We need to celebrate what we have in common.
Look at me, mama. I can talk.
No. I don’t smell anything, do you?
Trump isn’t god. I think.
I don’t fit in either party. Because my dresses don’t fit in either party.
I have the perfect dress for the Republican Party. Don’t you agree, Matt, darling?
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